Once upon a time, long ago when I used to blog, I wrote a post on how I suffered from the seven deadly sins. I think we all do. At least a little bit. And if you don’t, congratulations. But we probably can’t be friends. Because I don’t really want to be friends with someone who can’t gorge themselves to death on cheese and bread and then have one more piece because even though you’re about to explode it’s so worth it (Gluttony. She’s a temptress) Death by bread… No regrets. But I digress
I got to thinking about that post recently and knew I could easily relate it to parenting… So here they are. The seven deadly sins of parenting. Where do you stand?
This is probably the first one we as parents are guilty of. You birth a beautiful human life and eff yeah you got mad pride in that baby. For the love of God tell me how cute she is! I even tell my husband at least 37 times a day that we have stupid cute kids. We plaster their faces all over the web literally the second they are born. I mean if you’re anything like me you are posting a ‘she’s here!’ picture to Instagram while simultaneously delivering the placenta (slight exaggeration…. Slight) And I’m pretty sure this never goes away.
Early walkers. Early talkers. Honor Students. All star athletes. Introducing my son, Doctor Joe Shmoe.
If our kids do it, we are proud. And we want to tell everyone about it. Because we made that thing so by default it’s like I’m Dr Joe Shmoe. Right?
It’s probably super annoying to other people, especially non parents, but I get it. So go ahead and tell me how Johnny pooped on the toilet today and wiped and I’ll tell you how my kid ate broccoli and didn’t puke and we can bask in their mediocre accomplishments together. #brotherhoodofparenthood I got chu brah.
If you find yourself checking out every single stroller that passes by and wishing you could afford that $1500 swivel seated, car seat adapting, celebrity status, baby pusher, then you my friend are suffering from lust. You tell yourself it’s stupid to pay a mortgage payment for a stroller, but then you find yourself bookmarking their website juuusssttt incase you fall into some extra change. I mean the amount of money I have spent on stupid unnecessary baby products just because they hold some sort of invisible status is RIDICULOUS. And yet, I still want them all. All of them.
This one comes in the form of seeing all of your childless friends on Facebook booking trips to the Caribbean, or going to that concert last friday that your would have given your left leg to attend. Or heck, watching 10 uninterrupted hours of Making a Murder pausing only to take pee breaks and scavenge for food. Life pre kids is hard to remember. It’s like a very foggy dream. Obviously I love my children and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. But don’t tell me that checking into a hotel by yourself for 48 hours, doing nothing but ordering room service, and taking long baths, and watching dumb tv, doesn’t sound absolutely heavenly to you. Juuusssttt a small break. That’s all I want. To go somewhere where no one refers to me as ‘mom’ but rather ‘Mrs Woolsey would you like some champagne with your giant steak dinner?’ YUS PLEZ.
I suffer from gluttony with or without children (see above) I can’t help it, food speaks to me. But it takes a different form when you’re a parent. It’s not just simply shoveling food into your mouth until you are forced to unbutton your pants in order to breath. It’s more like hiding your face behind the refrigerator door while you shove three Samoas down your throat before your kid sees what you’re doing. The ol refrigerator shove… you know what I’m talkin’ about.
I mean… do I even need to elaborate on this one? I think it’s only natural that when someone has to repeat themselves nine hundred and fifty seven times in order to accomplish one very small task, that someone is going to get a little bit wrathy. It’s like…. You didn’t hear me say “put on your shoes we have to go” multiple times? Very loudly? And yet you can hear the crinkle of the GD butterfinger wrapper from three floors up. Selective hearing. It’s a very real thing that all children come pre wired with. It’s why wine was invented.
Somedays we are super parents. We get the kids up and ready for school and make it to the bus stop before the bus (that’s very key) And then we come home, and do dishes, and laundry, and pay bills, and care for our other tiny humans, and go to our demanding 9-5’s, and make dinner, and do bath, and books, and tuck them all in at an appropriate hour, and we feel accomplished and deserving of several high fives.
And then some days we hand them the closest electronic device we can find, while we sip our third cup of coffee and browse instagram for a few hours. Those are the slothy days. It’s ok to have them. We can’t all be super parents all of the time. I know you know what surprise egg videos on youtube are. I know. I also know that you’re wondering why you didn’t think of it first. WHO KNEW?! They did apparently.
The desire to bottle up your tiny people and keep them small and innocent forever, it’s a little bit greedy. But we can’t help it! They are so adorable and perfect and they don’t think that you are embarrassing or the worst parent ever, yet. When my daughter said ‘love’ instead of ‘bub’ a piece of me died. But they deserve to grow up, and experience life, and make mistakes, and explore and travel, and become really amazing not so tiny humans and we owe them that much. Even though I totally plan to make my basement a fully functioning, super cool, hangout that converts to an apartment later on in life should my kids decide they want to never leave home. I’m here for you guys. But until then, embrace every little pride filled, wrathy, gluttonous, lusty, enviable, slothy, greedy precious moment because you can never get them back.
So how’d you do? I don’t want to brag but I got 7/7.
Guest Post written by Ashley
Hi guys! I’m Ashley. I’m a 27 year old mom of three. I have a degree in fashion design and merchandising but right now my biggest job is raising my tiny humans and making sure they turn out to be decent, not so tiny, humans. It’s not as easy as it sounds. When I’m not changing dirty diapers you can find me perusing Instagram or painting for my little shop, Chartreuse Daydreams (shameless plug) I love Buffy, Dancing with the Stars, and the smell of Barnes and Nobles when they are attached to a Starbucks. Can we please get Yankee to turn that into a candle already?? I used to blog and then life started getting in the way so I’m very happy to have a little space here to fill the void. Thanks for having me!
Read Ashley’s Previous Posts: Embracing the Chaos: A Tale of Unwanted Parenting Advice |||| 30 Going on 13: A Tale of Postpartum Puberty |||| Don’t Knock it ‘Til You Try it – A Tale of Boy Raising
Other great resources for moms:
GENERAL // Things I Wish I Knew Before Our Baby Arrived (Written by over 50 other mothers!) // What to Bring a Mom after she has a Baby // New Mama Must-Haves // How to Transition from a Bottle to a Sippy Cup // Why you Should Hire a Birth Photographer // What I’ve Learned as a Mom Thus Far
BREASTFEEDING // Best Foods to Eat while Breastfeeding // Nursing Essentials // 10 Tips for those that Plan to Breastfeed // Nursing Essentials II // How to Increase your Milk Supply including a recipe for Lactation Cookies!
& don’t forget to join in on the #latenightnursingfeed!