I knew that I wanted to be a mother since a very early age. I dreamt about the days where I would hold and nurse my newborn, experience my toddler’s first sentences, watch them dream in my arms and run into their first day at preschool. Many of these doors have opened and closed with my first baby. I shed many tears each time a door shut behind me ad quickly reminded that time can certainly be a beast and it’s moving faster than we think. I looked forward to when my second would be born and I could soak into those newborn snuggles and watch her drift into a deep sleep in the quietness of the night. Before I knew it, it was time to wean her too and here she is screaming “Me too” when she wants something and “Peaseeee!!!” to make sure she gets it faster.
(Photography by a beautiful soul, Rachel of Rowanberry Lavender)
I’ve had so many fleeting thoughts throughout this pregnancy. Our third baby and I have no idea if this will be our last. Maybe deep down I know that it might be, and this is so difficult for me to comprehend. I can’t leave these days of pregnancy behind, no matter how difficult they may be. Some days I think that there is no way I could possibly make it 9 more weeks and there are others where I want to stretch it out until the end of time….never wanting it to end. Seeing what our bodies are capable of and watching my body go through so many beautiful movements to make another life has been incredibly eye opening for me. Life truly is a gift and it’s so damn beautiful that it’s hard to grasp at times….
One thought that has always kept me afloat when I wanted to cry about fleeting moments is
Soak the moments of motherhood into the forefront of your mind, keep them there forever and be joyous about the memories to come. Our children are constantly demonstrating that life passes us by too quickly but the moments we leave behind are just as beautiful as the moments to come. Just because one chapter closes, doesn’t mean that there aren’t even more wonderful ones up ahead. I have learned that the moments where I fall apart, can be beautiful and that mourning my baby as a newborn, weaning from breastfeeding, bringing my baby to her first day of school are moments that are all a beautiful part of motherhood. Our tiny beings that are very much a huge part of who we are, are teaching us to be impassioned and soulful.
…do not mourn the closing of this chapter, whatever it may be; for there are many more beautiful moments and chapters to come within your journey of motherhood.