Before we go any further, let me clarify.
By drunk, I mean… sleep deprived.
I should also mention that I did a little research and you can in fact die from sleep deprivation. The magical number of days before you knocking on heaven’s door?
(this is speculation, and I cannot find any studies to back it up- because who the hell would want to volunteer for a study like this? But, we will just go with it…)
So, if you are nearing that number, call in for back up. STAT.
This week has been particularly tough as a mom. My babies have not been sleeping well and averaging about 4 hours of broken sleep per night has been exhausting to say the least. Kudos to all you mamas getting less sleep than that or those with multiple children (twins, triplets, etc.). You are all my heroes.
Without further ado, here is why being sleep deprived is just like being drunk as a skunk (those good ole’ college days)
Reason #1: You do shit that you cannot believe you did and only realize you did them hours to days later.
For example, I just washed my daughters’ clothing and realized that I also washed the top of the hamper. The top of the hamper had this nasty gel like liquid, which is now all of the clothing and it all needs to be re-washed. Or like the time you were wasted and decided that washing your clothing in the dishwasher was a good idea. Yep, been there too.
Reason #2: You wake up feeling like you’re knocking on death’s door
Because you are. You slept for 3 hours (if you add all the 20 minutes chunks of time together) and the rest of the time you spent bouncing your 4 week old across the room and shushing so loud that you almost put yourself asleep. Or because you just had 13 vodka & tonics. Either way….
Reason #3: You make no damn sense
Yep. No idea what you said. Can you repeat that? Wait. I don’t get it. Can you please put spaghetti sauce on my waffles please? –> AKA saying shit and not being able to finish thought processes and asking for things THAT DON’T MAKE ANY SENSE. Last time I checked, you didn’t make sense when you were drunk last night either…. 😉
Reason #4: You’re Tripping (and not the mushroom kind) all over the place
Tripping over toys, tripping over the rug and tripping over your own two feet. The less sleep I get, the more likely I am to break a bone because I can’t walk straight. Oh, wait? That did happen to you while you were drunk?
Reason #5: Everyone looks at you funny
Oh shit. My lipstick isn’t on right?! I even looked in the mirror while I put it on this morning! Dammit! Well no wonder everyone is looking at you funny, you’re talking like a drunk sailor and just ran around the neighborhood with all your clothes off yelling “Merry Christmas” in the dead of summer.
Reason #6: You’re late to work
Sorry boss, my child was my alarm clock at 10 pm, 11 pm, 12 am, 1 am, 2 am, 3 am, 4 am, 5 am, & 6 am. Once my head finally hit the pillow I pressed snooze 32 times before I got out of bed and that’s why I’m late. OR You’re late because you were up dancing all night on tabletops and went to bed at 4 am after eating the entire McDonald’s menu.
Reason #7: You’re so hungry, you could eat a horse (figuratively, not literally)
Eat, eat, eat. It’s all I do. Especially when I get little sleep. No idea what makes that happen, but the greasier the food, the better! I also think that there must be a direct correlation with the amount of alcoholic beverages you consume and how much shitty food you eat. AMIRIGHT?!
Reason #8: Picking the dumbest fights with your significant other
WHY did you wash the baby bottles with the REGULAR soap?! You’re supposed to use the organic BABY specific dish soap!!
“I saw you looking at that girl over there!! Stop looking at her!” “Uhm what girl? That’s a mannequin babe” “I don’t care! Stop looking at her!”
Reason #9: You are an emotional wreck
Crying over spilled milk (literally) OR crying over spilled vodka/cran……
Reason #10: Bloodshot Eyes
What the hell happened to you!? Have you had your eyes open for 6 weeks straight? UHM yes actually, but try the last 6 months…
It is the full day of drinking you just commenced in after you just finished all your college mid terms?
Yep. So that about covers it. What else am I missing? I am sure there’s more and you can let me know in the comment section below and I will be sure to add it for ya 😉
And because a post like this wouldn’t be complete without some scientific evidence to back it up, here are a few studies which prove that sleep deprivation is similar to being “drunk as a skunk”
(now tell that hubby of yours that you need some sleep!)