Life as a Drunk Mom - Lynzy & Co.

Life as a Drunk Mom

Life as a drunk mom // A closer look at the similarities between sleep deprivation and those crazy party days in college. Before we go any further, let me clarify.

By drunk, I mean… sleep deprived. 

I should also mention that I did a little research and you can in fact die from sleep deprivation. The magical number of days before you knocking on heaven’s door? 

11

(this is speculation, and I cannot find any studies to back it up- because who the hell would want to volunteer for a study like this? But, we will just go with it…)

So, if you are nearing that number, call in for back up. STAT.

This week has been particularly tough as a mom. My babies have not been sleeping well and averaging about 4 hours of broken sleep per night has been exhausting to say the least. Kudos to all you mamas getting less sleep than that or those with multiple children (twins, triplets, etc.). You are all my heroes. 

Without further ado, here is why being sleep deprived is just like being drunk as a skunk (those good ole’ college days)

Reason #1: You do shit that you cannot believe you did and only realize you did them hours to days later. 

For example, I just washed my daughters’ clothing and realized that I also washed the top of the hamper. The top of the hamper had this nasty gel like liquid, which is now all of the clothing and it all needs to be re-washed. Or like the time you were wasted and decided that washing your clothing in the dishwasher was a good idea. Yep, been there too.

Life as a drunk mom // A closer look at the similarities between sleep deprivation and those crazy party days in college.

Reason #2: You wake up feeling like you’re knocking on death’s door

Because you are. You slept for 3 hours (if you add all the 20 minutes chunks of time together) and the rest of the time you spent bouncing your 4 week old across the room and shushing so loud that you almost put yourself asleep. Or because you just had 13 vodka & tonics. Either way….

Life as a drunk mom // A closer look at the similarities between sleep deprivation and those crazy party days in college.

Reason #3: You make no damn sense

Yep. No idea what you said. Can you repeat that? Wait. I don’t get it. Can you please put spaghetti sauce on my waffles please? –> AKA saying shit and not being able to finish thought processes and asking for things THAT DON’T MAKE ANY SENSE. Last time I checked, you didn’t make sense when you were drunk last night either….  😉

Life as a drunk mom // A closer look at the similarities between sleep deprivation and those crazy party days in college.

Reason #4: You’re Tripping (and not the mushroom kind) all over the place

Tripping over toys, tripping over the rug and tripping over your own two feet. The less sleep I get, the more likely I am to break a bone because I can’t walk straight. Oh, wait? That did happen to you while you were drunk? 

Life as a drunk mom // A closer look at the similarities between sleep deprivation and those crazy party days in college.

Reason #5: Everyone looks at you funny

Oh shit. My lipstick isn’t on right?! I even looked in the mirror while I put it on this morning! Dammit!  Well no wonder everyone is looking at you funny, you’re talking like a drunk sailor and just ran around the neighborhood with all your clothes off yelling “Merry Christmas” in the dead of summer. 

Reason #6: You’re late to work

Sorry boss, my child was my alarm clock at 10 pm, 11 pm, 12 am, 1 am, 2 am, 3 am, 4 am, 5 am, & 6 am. Once my head finally hit the pillow I pressed snooze 32 times before I got out of bed and that’s why I’m late.  OR  You’re late because you were up dancing all night on tabletops and went to bed at 4 am after eating the entire McDonald’s menu.

Life as a drunk mom // A closer look at the similarities between sleep deprivation and those crazy party days in college.

Reason #7: You’re so hungry, you could eat a horse (figuratively, not literally)

Eat, eat, eat. It’s all I do. Especially when I get little sleep. No idea what makes that happen, but the greasier the food, the better! I also think that there must be a direct correlation with the amount of alcoholic beverages you consume and how much shitty food you eat. AMIRIGHT?!

Reason #8: Picking the dumbest fights with your significant other

WHY did you wash the baby bottles with the REGULAR soap?! You’re supposed to use the organic BABY specific dish soap!!

OR

“I saw you looking at that girl over there!! Stop looking at her!”   “Uhm what girl? That’s a mannequin babe”  “I don’t care! Stop looking at her!”

Reason #9: You are an emotional wreck

Crying over spilled milk (literally) OR crying over spilled vodka/cran……

Reason #10: Bloodshot Eyes

What the hell happened to  you!? Have you had your eyes open for 6 weeks straight? UHM yes actually, but try the last 6 months…

OR

It is the full day of drinking you just commenced in after you just finished all your college mid terms?

 

Yep. So that about covers it. What else am I missing? I am sure there’s more and you can let me know in the comment section below and I will be sure to add it for ya 😉

And because a post like this wouldn’t be complete without some scientific evidence to back it up, here are a few studies which prove that sleep deprivation is similar to being “drunk as a skunk”

You’re welcome. 

(now tell that hubby of yours that you need some sleep!)

 Study #1 // Study #2 // Study #3

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Tell Me What You Think! leave a comment...

  1. For the first 6 months of my daughts life she would sleep 45 minutes at a time and then be up for 20-30 minutes. I could potentially get about and hour and a half of sleep if I Sat in a chair and held her ( but let’s be honest, rhats not very comfy either).
    I actually thought I was going to die.
    Luckily we are now up to about 5 hour stretches at 9 months

  2. Currently soaking in a bubble bath (trying to stay awake) while my 4 month old naps and I’m DYING over the accuracy! #sleepregressionwhat
    Haven’t laughed that hard in a minute. Thanks, momma!

  3. CRONIC BLOODSHOT EYES. Have I been heavily drinking every night this week or do I just have a 3 month old? You’ll never know!!

  4. As we say here in the South…Bless your heart! I don’t have kids and can’t imagine not getting my Zzzzzzs. Hope you get some relief soon. ????

  5. How about when you are sitting there rocking the kid for the third straight hour and your mind wanders and you end up create the most brilliant blog posts in your mind, which of course you can’t remember in the morning because you can’t even remember your name? Yeah that. I have a pretty funny potty training post that was created over several sleep deprived stupors.

    Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity

  6. It really does feel a bit like being drunk! I brought down a bundle of laundry from the baby’s room the other day, and bottles to wash up… When the spin finished I found the bottles in the washing machine! #FridayFrivolity

  7. These photos are HILARIOUS, and perfectly sum up the way I’ve, and I’m sure all moms, have felt at some point. I definitely have been so tired that I’ve felt drunk, and not in the good way. My husband works overnight, and I’ve read through some pretty funny texts I’ve sent him in the night, haha! x #happydayslinky

  8. This was me most of last week. I had to work floorsets at work. My husband works during the week, so guess who was home taking care of the baby on 2-3 hours of sleep… This momma right here!!! I was definitely tripping over all of the things, having conversations that made absolutely no sense, and I was not able to concentrate on anyone that was talking to me.

  9. OhMyGoodness, this is hilarious! I’m just so thankful that I get to stay home in my sleep-deprived state, because even though I do NOT get to make up for any of that lack of sleep during the day, at LEAST no one else has to see me like this! (Except my husband, and he’s just as much of a wreck as I am!) Thanks for sharing with us at #FridayFrivolity and I hope you join us again this week! P.S. You’re my feature for the week!

  10. You’re too damn funny! But, it’s all so true. My oldest (she’s 13 now, so we’re good) didn’t sleep through the night for SIX YEARS. I can’t be held accountable for all the things I said or did during that time span! Love this, and the pics are perfect! Thanks for sharing on Wonderful Wednesday! 🙂

  11. Hilarious! It’s been a few years since my littles kept me up all night (and a few more years since I partied), but this post took me back. It gets better, I promise.

  12. Well, I’ve never been drunk (yes, I’m nerdy and boring that way). But I’ve been sleep-deprived for 17 years, and I can tell you this is 100% spot-on, mama. Which is why all I bloody well want for Mother’s Day is SLEEP FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND TRUE, PEOPLE. And by “people,” I mean the ones living in my house who never let me get any sleep. Okay. Am done venting for now. Glad to meet you via your feature-status at Friday Frivolity!

  13. I am 2 and 9 right now. My daughter has been up since 5, my son only went to bed at midnight and was up at least three times screaming and nursing all night. Sleep and functioning is a foreign concept. Never thought it was like being drunk but it’s so true! It’s like a perma-hang over.

    Thanks for linking up at #Everythingkids. Come back tomorrow to see our features and party again!

  14. Hahaha! Have a one month old and have found myself putting ice cream back in the refrigerator and putting a whole box of donuts in the microwave and the one I was trying to eat back in the freezer 🙄 the sleep deprivation is real!!

  15. When you try to unlock your front door with your car key clicker. Did that drunk in college…did that sleep deprived with a newborn!

  16. First of all, I am not officially obsessed with you. All these things were true when my son was a newborn (um, and then again at 4-5months & 9months & 14months…thank you teeth)…it is absolutely brutal. At least when you’re a drunk, you have a good story (usually)…but this sleep deprivation goes on forever and you never know when it’s going to end. Ugh. It’s nice to know I’m not alone…even though I still think 3am is the loneliest hour on earth. Xo