Preface: I know that some boys are angelic little muffins and some girls make you want to pull your hair out. But for the purpose of this article I’m using my own personal experiences of raising a boy, my crazy, insane, handful of a boy.
Before you become a parent you probably have a pretty decent sized list of all the things you would ‘zoemuhgawd never do.’ I feel like that’s only normal. Because you never really know how you’ll cope with a situation until you are thrown head first into it. And that’s parenting. A head first dive into a sh*t storm of crazy tiny human raising.
There were a lot of things I did with my first that I probably didn’t plan on. But it wasn’t until I had my second, my boy, that I really pulled out all the ‘pre baby I’m totally judging you for your parenting techniques but now I see those techniques and I’m raising my wine glass to you because I GET IT NOW’ tricks.
So here are my top 3 don’t knock it till ya try it, raising a boy, anything to keep me sane, parenting survival techniques.
All The Child Locks. All of them.
With our daughter we baby proofed a minimal amount. We put up baby gates to keep her off the stairs. And outlet covers to deter curious minds. And that was about it. The only cabinet she ever opened was the one that held her cookies. One time we were staying at a friends house when she was about two and she found a pill on the floor. She picked it up and walked over and handed it to me. Like, ‘here mom, you don’t want this laying around. You never know who might accidentally take it!’ My son is like a shark. He doesn’t test things out with his hands. He has to eat it first to see what it is. ‘That looks like a seal but might just be another one of those surfers… Let me go ahead and taste out the situation.’ If that had been him and the pill I’d be calling poison control. And speaking of poison control…. All of the cabinet locks belong to us. And they STILL don’t work. He somehow managed to reach under the sink and take a nice big bite (shark, people) out of a dish detergent pack. (Which apparently isn’t as bad as a laundry detergent pack just in case you were wondering) the fact that he’s almost made it to two is a miracle. I may have silently eye rolled the parents who purchased every baby proofing gadget on the market before their babies could even walk, but now all you intense baby proofers…. I get it. I get it.
It’s a kid… Not a pet.
The ever so controversial baby leash. Pre baby… Pre boy… I may have been a little judgy towards the parents with the leash babies. I may have said things like ‘you really can’t watch after your kid so much so that you have to treat them like a dog…’ Or something. And then BOY. He has this internal sensor that tells him the exact direction of the most dangerous path and as soon as he is allowed to put his feet on pavement he’s gone. It’s a straight line to the interstate.I’m not actually the proud owner of a child leash yet but that’s the key word. Yet. For now he’s just not allowed to get out of the stroller ever no matter where we are. But I don’t see that lasting too much longer. If we ever go somewhere like Disney, where the crowds are big and the temptations are abundant. You bet your prized signed 98 degrees poster I’ll be buying him a leash and I’ll be a better mom because of it. Because I’ll hopefully be able to leave the park with the three kids I entered with.
My oldest and I had a terrible nursing relationship. She hated it. I hated it. There were tears and then bottles and then happiness. So when my son was born I set a six month goal. And then a year. And now we are coming up on two years at the end of the month and I can’t seem to get this kid away from me. I may have always thought if your baby can ask you for your boob, it’s probably time to stop. And yet here I am. With a crazy attached two year old who’s addicted to boob. He mostly only nurses at night but he’d nurse all day long if I let him. This isn’t to say that girls can’t be attached to extended nursing but there is just something about that mother son bond. He’s the kid I’m locking in my basement for the rest of forever because I refuse to let him leave me for a floozy he met on Tinder. He’ll probably still be nursing too… Just kidding. There is a fine line between a healthy attached mother son relationship and serial killer. I may be walking it.
He is his own breed of baby, my son. There is never a dull moment. He may spend a longer amount of time in his highchair watching Paw Patrol than The American Association of Parents Who Cast Judgement recommend so that I can go to the bathroom or get dressed without having to worry if my house is going to be burned down. I’m ok with it. I’m just trying to hold onto my sanity for as long as I can. Because in the end we all have that same goal. Raise decent humans while keeping a shred of sanity. It’s not easy, but it’s an adventure. One I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Be right back, going to buy a leash.
Guest Post written by Ashley
Hi guys! I’m Ashley. I’m a 27 year old mom of three. I have a degree in fashion design and merchandising but right now my biggest job is raising my tiny humans and making sure they turn out to be decent, not so tiny, humans. It’s not as easy as it sounds. When I’m not changing dirty diapers you can find me perusing Instagram or painting for my little shop, Chartreuse Daydreams (shameless plug) I love Buffy, Dancing with the Stars, and the smell of Barnes and Nobles when they are attached to a Starbucks. Can we please get Yankee to turn that into a candle already?? I used to blog and then life started getting in the way so I’m very happy to have a little space here to fill the void. Thanks for having me!
Read Ashley’s Previous Posts
Other great resources for moms:
GENERAL // Things I Wish I Knew Before Our Baby Arrived (Written by over 50 other mothers!) // What to Bring a Mom after she has a Baby // New Mama Must-Haves // How to Transition from a Bottle to a Sippy Cup // Why you Should Hire a Birth Photographer // What I’ve Learned as a Mom Thus Far
BREASTFEEDING // Best Foods to Eat while Breastfeeding // Nursing Essentials // 10 Tips for those that Plan to Breastfeed // Nursing Essentials II // How to Increase your Milk Supply including a recipe for Lactation Cookies!
& don’t forget to join in on the #latenightnursingfeed!