I hope that by meeting these courageous mothers that have navigated their way through the toughest of circumstances, they can be uplifting and encouraging to those of you who may be experiencing the same. If you ever want to submit your story for consideration, you can always email me at: email@example.com with a little snippet of what you would love to talk about!
I got pregnant for my daughter the first month we tried. I had a textbook pregnancy and carried her to full term. When she was about a year old, a lot of my girlfriends started having second babies. My husband and I decided we wanted to wait to start trying. She still seemed like a baby, and we were enjoying every second with her! Adding another baby at the time seemed overwhelming, and we were enjoying all the stages we were going through with our daughter. When she turned two, we decided it was time. We thought a three year age difference was perfect, and were so excited to expand our family. Since my pregnancy with her was so easy, we never imagined we’d have any difficulties the second time around.
Once again, I got pregnant the first month we tried, and we were thrilled! After a few weeks we even started introducing the idea to my daughter and she nicknamed the new baby “Kiki.” At nine weeks, I went to the bathroom and had a very, very small amount of spotting. I immediately knew something was wrong. I called my doctor and she tried to calm me and said it could be perfectly normal and not anything to be concerned about. She scheduled me to come in for an ultrasound the next morning. I jumped right on google and started looking up images of a 9 week ultrasound and what it looked like. I was pessimistic walking into my appointment. As soon as the ultrasound tech started, I knew it was not good news. There was nothing there. Just an empty, black hole. Not the images I had been googling the night before. She excused herself from the room to get the Doctor. When the Doctor came in and looked for herself, she said it looked like possibly a 4 or 5 week pregnancy. Maybe my dates were off. I KNEW my dates. I knew when my last period was, and I knew when I ovulated. My dates were not off. She prepared me for what could be coming and set up another ultrasound for one week later. She said I could come back in to do another ultrasound and we could see if it had progressed at all. But, if my dates were correct, she also prepared me that I could begin to miscarry before I made it to that next appointment. Sure enough, two days later, my miscarriage began.
Nothing can prepare you for the physical and emotional devastation of losing a pregnancy. To be honest, before going through it myself, I was a little insensitive to the topic. I had heard of friends and acquaintances who had been through them. My thoughts were usually, “that must be SO awful, but it happens to a lot of people and I’m sure they’ll have a successful pregnancy soon!” It was a very dark time for me, and I’m lucky to have such an amazing husband and a daughter who helped me through it. It was hard for me to stay upset with a crazy two year old running around making me laugh all day. I am so thankful for her at that time. She did more for me than she’ll ever know. Eventually days got easier, and we reached a time where we could start trying again. We were optimistic.
We went on to have two more losses after our first. After our second loss, we started to see a Fertility Specialist. Both my husband and I were tested for everything, and everything came back completely normal. There was no explanation at all as to what was causing the miscarriages. I was put on progesterone suppositories, which is standard practice for multiple miscarriages. Eventually, we also discovered I was ovulating a little later than normal, which should have been around day 14. We tried a prescription for 4 months that would “force” me to ovulate on time with no success. After that, we decided to try an IUI. We were told we would do that for three months in a row, if there was no success there, our next step would most likely to be IVF. I started some serious internal struggles because our insurance didn’t cover IVF. Was it worth it to give it a shot? Or should we start considering the adoption process, which is also long and expensive? I was stressed out, to say the least.
The month we were supposed to try our first IUI, we had a wedding on the other side of the country and were not in town the day I ovulated. The timing has to be right for an IUI, and we missed our window. I waited for my period to come so we could try our first attempt the following month. I waited, and waited……and waited. There was a chance I could be pregnant because we were still trying, but no part of me even wanted to take a pregnancy test. A part of me knew it was going to be a faint line again. An early loss. About two weeks after my period was due, I finally got the courage to take a test and face what was to come.
It was positive. VERY positive. I think I stared at that test for about 5 minutes with my mouth open. I went back and checked it at least 20 times that day. With all three of my losses, my pregnancy tests had been pretty faint. My HCG levels never got high enough to give me a strong positive. Finally, I was optimistic. My doctor had me come in right away for an ultrasound and everything looked exactly how it should! He scheduled for me to come in again at 8 and 10 weeks. At 8 weeks we saw a heartbeat, and at 10 weeks everything still looked perfect and I was released to my regular OB.
I’m now 26 weeks pregnant and everything has been perfect so far. I have an EXTREMELY active baby growing which is an amazing confirmation to me constantly throughout the day that everything is going to be ok. My daughter will turn 5 a few weeks before this baby comes. It is not the 3 year difference I was imagining for my family, but it will be perfect for us. I still cringe a little when I overhear people talking about being pregnant with their second and there being a two year difference….or a three year age difference in their kids, and someone respond with “what a PERFECT age!”
You can read more about what we went through emotionally, and also things we changed in our lives while trying to get pregnant on my posts here www.theficklefence.com. And if you have any questions, or are going through something similar and just someone to talk to, please always feel free to reach out.